Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President, In an interview, you had some questions about the Civil War. Namely, why it happened and couldn't be worked out. Well Sir, let me tell you. Half of our country believed that owning a person as property was wrong. The other half were those that owned the slaves. At the heart of the matter was the way people viewed blacks. To the Southern American, a black person was not a person at all. I'm not even sure if they were considered to be as high as livestock, but they were definitely treated like manure. All because of an uncontrollable factor that allowed them to survive in such sunny climates. By that, I mean the color of their skin. One side thought people were nothing more than objects to beat and work to death, and the other side respected the sanctity of life. Those were some very deeply held beliefs Sir, and it is always difficult to change a fundamental opinion. As for Andrew Jackson being upset about the Civil War, he was dead by then. For 1...

Dear Mr. President, Those big news meanies were picking on you again. They were teasing you for saying that being President is harder than your old life. How dare they pick on you like that. You're under a lot of pressure and have a lot of stuff to do. Important stuff. Of course it's hard being President. Don't listen to them, Sweetie. They don't know what it's like to be you. They've never been President. How would those mean, old journalists have any idea how hard it is to have to meet important people, decide what important info to divulge, or carry the lives of others in their hands? They wouldn't, would they? And you know why? Because you're President, and they're not.

Dear Mr. President, The White House Correspondent's Dinner is coming up. There are rumors that you won't be attending this year. Sir, that doesn't seem to be the best choice. You see the WHCD began during the Harding administration, though Presidents didn't start going until Coolidge. Still, Sir, it seems a bit rude not to attend. Do you know that this will be the first time in 36 years that a President hasn't attended the dinner? Thirty-six years! That's more than my whole life and just over half of yours. Please rethink your decision, Mr. President. I know they've been mean and not very fair to you during this period of transition. They should realize how hard it must be to suddenly become not only A politician, but THE politician. However, I think you could cut them a little slack, too. I think we could call it even after all the times you called the press fake news and got publicly upset with them. Remember Sir, your words carry unprecede...

Dear Mr. President, I know you've got a history of commenting on people's appearance, from the time the press accused you of mocking the reporter with a disability to the time you said you'd never seen a skinny person drinking Diet Coke to any of the times you've suggested certain women were not attractive. The thing is that you shouldn't really do that. It's very unpresidential. You especially shouldn't comment on someone's weight—loss or otherwise—while making an official speech. It's incredibly disrespectful of that person and the office you hold as President of the United States. I'm sure you didn't know because it just hadn't come up. But you know now, so keep that stuff more to yourself, okay?

Dear Mr. President, A disturbing report was brought to my attention today. You have allowed logging in National Parks. Is that true? That can't be true, Sir. Logging would destroy our National Parks. The effect would be terrible, both for the environment and for our reputation. People don't say America the Beautiful because of man-made structures. They say it because our country—YOUR country—is inherently beautiful. It's natural structures are breathtaking. Perhaps if you considered them the Trump Tower of parks. It would be like allowing gold minders into your homes. I've seen pictures. They would strip your home of it's very essence. The same is true of logging in the National Parks. Please don't let us become America the Deforested.

Dear Mr. President, We need to talk about your kids. I'm not sure that they realize that they too must act presidential as they are, by extension, representative of our great nation. That means no prairie dog hunting. Who even does that anyway? In the world of hunting wild animals, don't prairie dogs fall somewhere between an aardvark and a penguin? You know, sort of pointless to hunt. Also, making deals with China is ill-advised. That is if it was advised at all. Sir, if they are going to continue to make such decisions that go against your policies, you should really make an effort to publicly separate yourself from their actions. I know it's hard, Sir, but they're adults. They'll be fine.

Dear Mr. President, On this Earth Day, it's nice to celebrate the Earth and remind ourselves that it's the only one we've got. It's a chance to think about how we can all make a small difference that will add up to big results later. That's why I was so glad that you responded in such a way to the March for Science. Thank you for indicating the turn around your administration will be making to protect endangered species and further the efforts of those organizations dedicated to preserving the Earth. After all, we're not the only ones using the planet. We've got to think of everyone. I'm so proud of you, Sir. It takes a big man to make such a public change. I eagerly await the new policies.

Dear Mr. President, I see no one told you, but Purple Hearts are not really something to be congratulated. I don't think that the man really wanted to be congratulated on losing his leg. Next time, you should just thank him for his service to your country. Maybe consider getting rid of the media coverage. A lot of these guys aren't really down for all the hype and recognition. They just like to know that their sacrifices are appreciated. It's another one of those solemn occasions, Sir. PS- It was nice to see Melania out. I was starting to get worried about her. We hardly see her anymore.

Dear Mr. President, Your hundredth day as President of these United States is coming up. The media has indicated that you might be getting a bit nervous. Well, they used much meaner verbiage, but I'm not trying to discourage you, Sir. One hundred days is a big thing. For decades, it's been the measure of a president. We're not monsters, though. We know to allow for learning the job. It's awfully complicated. It's a good thing you're handling it. I'm not sure a woman could have properly dealt with the complexities involved in running the White House and the country. It's hard when things haven't gone the way you imagined, but it'll be alright, Mr. President. You had a LOT of big ideas and ambitions for the presidency. It takes a while to translate those ideas into policy and procedure. You shouldn't be ashamed that you haven't completed everything you set out to do in just 100 days. I mean, the term is 4 years. You've got ...

Dear Mr. President, Good job with your first official White House Easter Egg Roll. Your opening remarks were inspired, if directed at the wrong audience. Those kids aren't the ones criticizing you. You've got to direct that stuff where it can be heard. Anyway, it looked like it went really well. There were eggs and you read a story. What more could the kids ask for? Well, except that kid with the hat. Sir, you really should not have thrown that kids hat out into the crowd. You are not a tshirt cannon. Do not act like one. Stop throwing articles of clothing into the crowd. We're not that kind of country. It was good to see Kellyanne again. She'd been off the radar for so long, I was afraid she'd been sacked. Props to her triumphant return to the front lines.

Dear Mr. President, Let's talk a little more about Syria. I've been watching some of the news coverage, and there was one interview in particular that gave me pause. You talked about being at Mar-a-Lago, which by the way, isn't a secure enough place to be ordering air strikes from, eating chocolate cake with Prime Minister Abe, and you told him you had just ordered an air strike on a country. I'm assuming you told him the right country because you got a bit flustered in the interview and told the journalist the wrong country. That's not such a good mistake to make, though everyone does make mistakes. I feel like I should mention to you that bombing a country is a solemn occasion, not one to be taken lightly. It is important, and should be seared into your memory. That being said, let's talk about the cake. Chocolate cake is not a solemn occasion food. I've never been to a funeral with chocolate cake. Solemn occasion desserts are more like a shor...

Dear Mr. President, You're an important man, and your job is pretty stressful. People are always asking you to sign things and make decisions about really complicated issues. So, I can understand you needing to take a few days off to unwind with a delicious slice of cake and a round of golf. The thing is Sir, that the government doesn't have as much money as you do, so it really can't afford many more trips to Mar-a-Lago. I'm not trying to tell you that you can't vacation anymore. That would be cruel. What I'm trying to suggest is that there might be some ways that you, as both president of the United States of America and owner of the resort, could ease the burden a bit. For instance, the Secret Service is there to protect your life Sir, so they shouldn't have to rent golf carts to follow you. As the owner, you have it in your power to comp things like that. Also, in Trump Tower, they shouldn't have to rent a floor, you could provide it. Th...

Dear Mr. President, We need to talk about Mr. Spicer. Sir, are you aware of the things that he said in defense of the attack on Syria? He went so far beyond the regular levels of putting his foot in his mouth that we have come to expect from him. This time, he was inexcusable. He said that Adolf Hitler—literally the reason there are laws against war crimes—never stooped to using chemical weapons. Sir, I strongly recommend that he be forced to watch a holocaust documentary as soon as possible. After that, I would recommend that all of his speeches and talking points go through both a protocol official and an extensive editing process. We've trusted him to write his own reports, but if he continues to make snafus as serious as calling concentration camps Holocaust centers, then you should really think about having someone else write his briefings. Another thing you should really be aware of Mr. President, is that Sean Spicer and the other members of your cabinet act as a...

Dear Mr. President, I, like many other Americans was shocked and horrified to hear of the chemical attacks in Syria. We were shocked again when we heard of your response. Sir, what Assad did was unforgivable. It was nice to see you acting in such a presidential way by responding to an international crisis. The only thing is, I'm a bit concerned. It happened so quickly that I wonder if you had the time to consult the cabinet? I also wonder, Sir, if you know about the impact your actions had on Americans. You were not in the military, so you might not know that we have forces in Turkey. If you'll look at a map, you'll see that Turkey borders Syria. That may not sound like a bad thing until you realize that the bad guys know that too, and you just basically poked them with a stick. So now they're mad, and those people in Turkey might be in trouble. You know they didn't volunteer for those deployments, right? They were told to go. Now Sir, I would recommend tha...

Dear Mr. President, Congress is holding confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee, Neil Gorsuch. I could swear there was another judge up for the spot. Anyway, I've seen a bit of the proceedings, and I don't think I've seen Judge Gorsuch answer any questions. He just says things like, “I cannot discuss that,” even though his entire purpose is to discuss that. Probably, he just forgot and doesn't want to sound silly. I've heard, Mr. President, that the Republicans want to change the rules to elect Gorsuch because they're not sure they can get enough votes. Did you know about this? That's not okay, Sir. You need to talk to them. You've got children, you know you can't go changing the rules to get your way. That's not how rules work, and it sets a dangerous precedent for next time. It also goes against the foundations of our democracy, giving every group of people a say in how their government is run. I just thought you should kno...

Dear Mr. President, I have so enjoyed watching your meetings with world leaders. It is so important for the American President to be seen fostering relations with our allies. Your meetings with Mr. Abe and Mr. Trudeau went very well. I wonder though, Mr. President, if you were feeling very well when Angela Merkel visited from Germany. As you know, I currently live in Germany, so it was very nice for me to see the leaders of these two specific nations come together as congenially as with Canada and Japan. The reason I ask Sir, is because while you shook Prime Minister Abe's hand for some 18 seconds and you shared a very neighborly, “bro-like” handshake with Prime Minister Trudeau, Chancellor Merkel got no such shake. I know you would never snub such an important ally, so I wanted to make sure that you were feeling alright, and had gotten over what must have made you under the weather the day of Chancellor Merkel's visit. You should probably not meet with world leaders wh...

Dear Mr. President, I see that you have decided to cut funding for the Environmental Protection Agency. I'm not so sure that that was such a good idea. I'm really worried because we only have one planet to live on and it only has one environment. That means that it's everyone's responsibility to protect the environment for future generations. Now I know that back in your day, people didn't really worry about global warming. The emphasis was on the future. There were dreams of going to the moon, floating cars, and pasteurized American cheese-type product. Thankfully, science and industry brought us two of those, but at what cost, Mr. President? Science has progressed now to the point where we can accurately assess the damage done to the environment, and Sir, it's not good. I understand that new science and new ideas are scary, but you should remember that once, those scary ideas were cars, manufacturing, and spray tans. Don't defund science just ...

Dear Mr. President, I've noticed you getting down about your portrayals on Saturday Night Live. I wanted to make sure you're okay. They got you pretty good, but you know what? That's what they do with presidents. Imitation is the highest form of flattery after all. There are a few things you could probably do to make it really hard for them to make up those skits. I know it's not fair, but you're the president now. You have to be extra careful about what you say, in interviews, on Twitter, in real life—all of it is documented. It's all recorded. It all becomes part of your legacy. Mr. President, the news shows can say whatever they want about you, but if you are true to yourself and do the things you promised, you will be fine. Your actions will speak louder than your words. Make sure that everything you say and do reflect the President you want to be because that's how you'll be remembered—for the things you said and did.

Dear Mr. President, I saw some pictures from your meeting with the leaders of Historically Black Colleges and Universities. It is so wonderful that you met with them. It is important that all minority voices be heard. The thing is that that situation seemed like it merited the utmost respect, but all the pictures have Ms. Conway sitting on the Oval Office couch on her feet! Mr. President, I don't mean to pick, but my mama would never allow me to sit on her sofa like that and that's just in our living room, not even close to as auspicious as the White House during an important meeting. I think, Mr. President, that it might be a good idea to enforce proper furniture etiquette. I just don't want people thinking anyone in your White House is not taking meetings seriously. Mr. President, I'm almost done, I promise. There was just one other thing. I heard Ms. DeVos talk about HBCUs and say they were an example of school choice. I bet that to her, those schools wo...

Dear Mr. President, I understand you are not a supporter of the Affordable Care Act as proposed by former President Obama. You ran on that platform in your successful campaign to become president. This is your chance then, Sir, to really do some good for our country, to provide a good system by which all Americans can be covered by an insurance provider, and receive all the services they need at a reasonable cost. I'm sure you've worked tirelessly with Speaker Ryan and the rest of the Republican, as well as, I hope, some Democrats, to provide a beneficial and workable solution to this complicated issue. I know that as a member of the party that speaks for the average American, this will be something that will benefit every single American. I eagerly await the reveal of the new health care plan.

Dear Mr. President, There has been an awful lot of uproar lately about you wanting to defund Planned Parenthood. The talk is that Federal money should not go toward abortions, and on that Sir, you are absolutely correct. That's why no Federal funding goes toward abortion services at Planned Parenthood. Now, after that, they provide a lot of really useful and necessary care. You see, Mr. President, we women take a lot of specialized care to remain the ravishing creatures you see before you. Some of us, though, can't afford it all. And it's not our fault, Sir. We didn't ask to be born with uteruses, but since we have them, we have to ensure their health. I'm not sure if you know this or not because I'm not sure you've every had occasion to visit a Planned Parenthood clinic, but they also provide pap smears, disease screenings, STD treatment, birth control, and more things that I'm sure I'm forgetting. Without their services, I'm afraid...

Dear Mr. President, I'm sure you just got a bit confused, but did you tweet some stuff that wasn't true? I mean, of course you didn't because you're the president. But... I read some stuff that didn't actually happen, and then these other guys are saying you tweeted out stuff you saw on the news without verifying it first. I don't really know who to believe here, I mean, you're the President of the United States, but they're the news. Also, the guys you tweeted about didn't know what you were talking about. If it's true that that actually happened, that's kind of dangerous since whatever you say as President is official. PS- You should probably stop telling people to buy your daughters stuff. That doesn't really seem appropriate coming from the president. We don't want people thinking they have to buy it because it came from an official channel.

Dear Mr. President, I didn't want to bring this up, but I think I should since it keeps coming up in the news. Mr. President, sir, what is going on with Russia? A lot of your people have been accused of having Russian connections. You know, there's really nothing wrong with that except I wonder why they wouldn't mention it when asked. Now please don't get upset. I'm not accusing you of anything nefarious. You're not responsible for their actions. I'm sure you had nothing to do with it. You would know, as President, how dangerous it would be to collude with Russia. If the people who have met with Russians honestly don't remember their meetings, I would advise that you have them go in for check ups. There could be something medical going on that makes them forget things. If it's something in the air or water or some kind of contaminant, you could be at risk, too, sir. I've also been thinking that maybe you should find a diff...

Dear Mr. President, It's budget time again, and we both know what that means—cuts. Your job is not an easy one. As much as you are beloved, you still have to be the heavy. As Americans, we understand the importance of a budget. Many of us have had to learn to make cuts in our already modest budgets to survive the past few years. So we understand cutting things. We consider all our family members and their needs and we try to spread out the sacrifices, often shouldering much of the burden for the sake of those in our care. That is why, Mr. President, I was so concerned when I heard about your cuts to the National Endowments for the Arts and Humanities. They're such small things that bring such joy to so many people, most notably through PBS. If your childhood or your children's was anything like mine or my children's, then you watched Sesame Street. Who didn't love Sesame Street? When I was younger, I was even a member of the Sesame Street Book Club. Ev...

Dear Mr. President, I just heard about your nominee for Secretary of Education. I read that she is a proponent of school choice and vouchers. I'm not so sure those are the best ideas. Where I grew up in Rural Illinois, there were no choices. There was only the public school in your district. Also, I read about an Academy that took vouchers and ran the school as a for-profit school. Money became the focus of the school, and children stopped receiving an education. They weren't even paying their teachers. I hope there's a plan for better oversight than there was in that case. I also heard rumblings that she wants to get rid of the Department of Education and give control over to the states. Mr. President, I'm worried about that. If some states have more money than others, will their education be better than the poorer states? That doesn't seem very fair. And what about in Illinois. I'm from the rural part, and we don't see very much of the states...

Dear Mr. President, I heard on the news today that a bunch of the stuff your companies sell is made in China and other countries where the labor is cheaper than in America. I'm just a little confused because people are talking about how you're bringing back American jobs. We really need them in the rural parts of the country. It would be really good for the nation if you could perhaps suggest to your kids that they could bring some of the manufacturing back to the US. I at least assume they're in charge of the business now that you're President.

Dear Mr. President, I heard some stuff about Mexico today. Not about those bad hombres or anything. By the way, you really shouldn't say that. It's quite offensive to Hispanics. I heard that you sort of passively aggressively canceled a meeting with the Mexican President. That doesn't make too much sense to me. I don't have the business or budding political mind that you do, but I would think that if you're going to make them pay for a wall, you should probably try to suck up to them a little. Then the news reported that you were going to raise tariffs on Mexican imports to pay for it because the Mexican President said some very not nice things. I'm not completely versed in the world of tariffs and imports, but aren't those paid by the people who buy the things the tariffs are on? Wouldn't that mean that the American people are going to pay for the wall? Mr. President, I'm sure I'm missing something because you were very vocal in mak...

Dear Mr. President, Today, the news reported that people were being turned away from the United States in unprecedented numbers. They're all also Muslims. The news is calling it a Muslim ban, but it can't really be that, can it? I mean, you wouldn't turn away an entire religion would you? You are, after all, the leader of the FREE world. I guess I can kind of understand. There have been a lot of terrorist attacks perpetuated by Muslims, so the logic is that if there aren't any Muslims, there won't be any terror, right? Mr. President, what about the people who committed acts of terror who weren't Muslim? I'll bet you have an awesome second part of this plan to protect us from those terrorists too. I am worried though, because not all Muslims are bad any more than all blacks are thugs, all police are killers, or all lesbians go to Lilith Fair. I can't wait for the Muslims to get to come back into the country. They are going to feel so much...

Dear Mr. President, I heard some distressing news today. You've frozen hiring of federal jobs. I've heard that a lot of people are really happy about this news because it should cut down on the corruption of state and local governments. That sounds like a really good thing, but I'm worried, Sir, about the child care situation in my community. You see, Mr. President, I'm a military spouse living in Germany, and all of the jobs on the base are federal jobs. You may not know this, but most of them are filled by spouses. When a service member has to move to a new base, the family goes too, leaving a vacancy in whatever position they held. Our child care services are already slim, but now they're cutting back even more. What happens to our quality of life when all of our support services can no longer be supported. I have to admit, Mr. President, that this life is often very lonely, but the meager things offered to us help to ease the sting a little. I...

Dear Mr. President, I heard Kellyanne Conway say today that you use alternative facts. I'm just a little worried because a fact only really has one side—the truth. She may have meant that you view the facts differently than us normal citizens because you have much more information than we do. We have to get all of ours from the news, but you have briefings with advisers and councils and bureaus. You know what? Maybe your info is right. I mean, I don't have all that access. I should probably just trust the system.